Living by the Gun

The revolver stared into my eyes as I sat, bent on my knees with tears in my eyes, looking for forgiveness in his eyes but in vain, for all I had done, Fate had seen fit,
He calmly said, "Die" and with that it had all come down : The money, the power, the danger; Living by the Gun - this was the Grand Finale, this was it.


Can I ever forgive myself ? I thought as he gave me time to think, I decided I would go out brave; I would go out like a man and so I put up a brave face and knew there was nothing I could do,
I thought of all the lives I had taken for the Devil in Green : Money, I cursed myself for all the human stories brought an End to.

The Lady in Red - we called her that, was the first one I ever shot with my own hands, I could still hear her voice inside the head, she cried her heart out and begged us not to kill,
But money; Oh, the dirty, green, filthy money had covered our hearts with greed, we laughed as we shot her one by one and watched her blood spill.

We taunted her husband and smiled at his wife's dead body as he broke into tears, he said he would give everything he had but asked us to spare his daughter,
We pulled the girl to our side and asked him to shut up, he ran but we had caught up soon : I had enjoyed watching his slow slaughter.

I now closed my eyes as my mind went back to the daughter, the pretty little girl in the blue frock who, with sparkling eyes, crying asked me what was in my hand,
I told her it was a gun, I told her I was going to kill her, she innocently thought for some time, held up her hand and cried, "Sir, please, after this, bury my little bear in the sand."

Killing was never by choice; it was by desperation, this power was not a want; it was a necessity and a need, I had to do all that - I told myself; to receive something - I first had to give,
But was I really right, I had never thought before, when something's lost, you find; when you win, you see others lose; when you kill, you get to live.

I vaguely recall taking something from that family on the day, what was it I couldn't remember now; it was the thing that kept me alive through the years, it had livened my joy,
My eyes searched frantically through the room and on the floor, I suddenly smiled, there it was on the table : The little Bear Toy.

A small tear fell on the floor as I heard myself speaking to him, I said, "Will you grant me one last wish ? Will you do me one final favor ?", I said, sadly,
"After this is over, after you make sure I am gone, will you b.. b.. bury that little Bear in the sand ?' I asked and pointed, he looked across and said, "Gladly."

I wiped the sweat off my brow and decided I was to burn in Hell for all I had done, all the sins I had done, all the people I killed, all the lives I ruined and all the times I had to lie,
He cocked the revolver in my ear and whispered, "It's time" as it all came thumping down : I spent my life Living By the Gun, tonight, by it, was time to Die.

3:)